Should I Go?

Should I go home?

The question follows me like a shadow.

Sometimes I feel so alone.

But then the sun hits my face

and a palm tree sways in the breeze

and for a minute, the loneliness is erased.

Should I go home?

It weighs constantly on my mind,

But I've never had such greats friends on my own.

My girls are there for me through good and bad

and back at home,

this is something I never had.

Should I go home?

When I'm there I feel so out of place

and find myself in public off in my zone.

I realize that an outsider is what I've become.

their lives and mine don't seem to fit.

Can this be changed? What can be done?

Should I go home?

Are you going to be worth the risk?

Codependence I refuse to condone,

but you might be worth the sacrifice.

Please tell me, should I go home?

Are You Ready?

To Whom It May Concern:

If I chose you, could you handle it? Sure, from there I look like a pretty good deal. Pushed away and held at arm's length you can't see the flaws. The broken heart, the anger that lies just beneath the calm surface, the glare behind the smile, the tears and silent sea that floats under my eyes. The secrets of my heart will never be exposed to you. You will never really know me because you can't. I will slip away into silence in the middle of a party. I will yell at you for things that are not your fault and never could be. I will try to control your life because it's easier than controlling my own. I will constantly complain about details that are unfixable and unimportant. I will cry at things that are sad to no one else. I will never be 100% sure on anything; including you. I will talk incessantly and make threats that will appear real for about five minutes. I will hit you and scream and then regret it immediately afterwards. I will beg for your forgiveness until I know I have it and then do something else to piss you off. I will hate you more passionately than I have ever felt.

I will love you too much. I will do everything I can to make you be everything you share with me and more. I will constantly push you to do better. I will look forward to seeing you at night and spending our weekend mornings in bed until noon. I will spend hours thinking of the perfect date and then laugh when it flops. I will laugh and make you laugh harder than you ever have. I will charm you into my way most of the time. I will win most arguments and let you know that I've won just in case you didn't realize it. I will paint our house in bright colors that you will hate and cook meals that we can't pronounce. I will leave miniature disasters for you to clean and break things that you can't fix. I will expect you to earn the money while I raise the kids that I had on a whim. I will be everything you wanted and what you can't stand. I hope you realize what you're getting yourself into.

Are you ready?