spilling heart

i go out on a friday
to get out, get away
and yet i find
each and every time
the conversation leads
to something i need
deep down, i'm locked up
my heart is held in this cup
filled to the brim
with memories of him
how many letters, memories will
it take to make it spill?
time and again i try
to move on, to hate you, to cry
but it doesnt stop
my heart will always drop
at the mention of anything
that in it holds a ring
of the familiarity of you.
your country, your sport, a blue
that's the same as your eyes.
in it all i can only despise
the attachment i hold
to a flame thats growing old.

love is free

to love you how i wanted -
or what i thought that love should be
i had to let you go.
i didn't understand then
but now i've come to see
that letting you fly
letting you go
would eventually set me free.
through all the pain, the tears, the anger and hurt
that left me blinded for so long
sacrifice has slowly shown through with its usual dignity.
the realization that love has many facets
had never made itself so clear
until i found myself; alone and happy.
in my own life i was content
to picture me without you was ok
and within myself i finally found peace.
i discovered that love is not concrete.
it's not a picture of you and me
and rings and babies.
its beauty in fact cannot be defined.
but you and me; we've come close
and lived the fact that love is indeed, free

his toy

really? how many of you can i date
before the race of man i begin to hate.
the saddest part
is that i waste so much of my heart.
upset you don't call
ready when you do to fall
quickly into something i'm not ready for
my time and money i'll pour
into something fake.
so go ahead, take and take
do it while you can
while i still don't understand
because soon enough you'll reveal
that nothing you say is real.
but one thing's different this time
there are no second chances in this life of mine.
it's my life and i decide who's in it
no more hurt, no more shit.
i'm a good person
i love to have fun
and to be with me
was your best possibility.
so fuck off
get lost
and don't come crawlin back boy
i'm done bein your toy.