Where I'm From

I’m from the middle.
Middle America,
Middle class,
Middle mind-sets, leaning back
Some call it a sink-hole, some call it home
Some call it heaven, but I simply call it my own
Tucked away in the back of my mind
Live days filled with friends and sunshine
Every summer hour spent outdoors
Until a thunderstorm blew in and rain poured
Squelching the heavy, humid heat
And bringing a scent of summer, earthy and sweet.
The rolling hills and big oak trees
Dark brown earth holding perfect rows of bright green.
Playing runaways in our woods and Olympic divers in the lake
Away from this place, wonderful memories I take.
The warmth of grandma’s meals around our full table
And the irreplaceable feeling of a family, happy and stable.
Sparkling icy branches and snow covered fields
Called for long days of sleds and snowmobiles.
Steamy summer nights would begin to cool to Autumn harvest
On a jog through chilled air, an earthy smoke would fill your chest.
And as green transitioned to rusty orange, yellow, and red
Days spent outside turned to school instead.
Crisp fall days full of class, tennis, and football
Cheering together for our team, with no clue at all
That another world existed, that wasn’t like this
One where everything wasn’t just this perfect.
My life was a playground; the American dream
And upon my decision, many thought I was crazy to leave.
For where I’m from, our culture is set
If you’re different from us, the city is your best bet.
People just don’t leave here
And any sense of change has a negative leer.
Here, people marry, make babies, and live in cookie-cutter homes
And feel that they have it all, even if it is a clone.
If you think my attitude towards home appears ambiguous, you would be right,
But so it goes as the pattern of my life.

the devil made me do it.

Something pulls me to you
I can feel the paralyzing blues
that hold me to you like glue.
You waste my precious time with these games
and I'm so incredibly lame
that I let it happen all the same.
Nothing good can come from this...
And you won't even offer a kiss
Because really, you don't give a piss.
So why do I waste my time with this?
All I can say is the devil made me do it.

fine

shards of life
slice my heart
i wince with a sharp inhale
close my eyes
the pain resides
settles back into the dull ache
the shard falls back
into the depths, but never lost
open my eyes
remind me to breathe
smile, people are wondering
silence myself to quell their curiosity
ensuring
it's fine
i'm fine
my life is fine
my life is good
i'm doing good
how are you?

beautifully broken

where do i go?
it scares me
i can turn off my lights
stare into nothing for hours
perfectly discontent.
i am still broken
the pieces of me aren't connecting.
they lay in a short circuiting array of shatters
bright against a dark floor
illuminating a piece at a time
flashing brightness into
an empty stare
heart beats
eyes blink
no sound
quiet breath
in and out.
i sit alone
beautifully broken.

All that glitters isn't gold...

Am I strong enough to make it on my own?
Sometimes I feel so alone...
But dependency I'll never again condone.
It seems that lately
I look in the mirror and don't recognize who I see.
What has happened to me?
Who do I really want to be?
This party girl's growing old.
My dirty dishes in the corners are growing mold...
"Everything that glitters isn't gold..."
Gotta search deeper - look back inside
remember what it was I promised on the western ride.
Looking to the sky I vowed to earn His pride.
Said I was heading west for both of us,
but lately excuses are all I offer to discuss.
My life has become my central focus.
It's not supposed to be that way.
I've forgotten how to pray
and slowly again lost my way.
So again I find the unfamiliar face of a girl who's lost
and is again denying the high cost
when loved ones and God she's forgot.

Go baby go

"Go, baby, go"
she quietly states
tears fill her eyes
because she knows it's too late.
A lifetime lies
between her and me
but she wants me to realize
just what life could be.
If I choose to be wise
she knows that I'll see
that it's not only here where life lies.
And outside the comforts of friends and family
I will finally find
her and my dreams.